I've grown wiser since I first bought this guide, and game patches have made some of my previously accurate opinions... slightly less justified. In accordance with that, I'm going to instead review each champion and give you an honest assessment of the champion's viability and how much a fucking asshole you are for playing it.
Ahri is a decent mage that I will never play because I'm not a sodding weeaboo. But don't let that stop you; she's not bad by any stretch. After level 6, she's ungankable, so don't try. If you're good at landing skillshots, she has some serious poke damage, and her taunt can even be used to initiate fights. I can't stand this character, but at least I won't be upset to see one on my team.
Only assholes play Akali. She's cheap and annoying, but still effective. It isn't the champion that bothers me, it's the people who play her.
Best all-around support in the game. Pick-or-ban.
He's an annoying little shit of a jungler, but I enjoy having him on my team. Amumu is one of those champions that seems innocuous, but does ridiculous amounts of damage. He also is very naturally tanky, and his ultimate wins teamfights. Great champ, but fucking awful to play against.
Probably the most skill intensive AP champion out there. If you can't hit her stun, you are less than worthless as Anivia; and if you don't know how to use her wall, you're actually a detriment to your team. Anivia requires a lot of time and dedication to master, and when a random person on my team selects her, I don't trust that they've made the effort.
Baby's first AP Carry.
Baby's first AD Carry. Also one of the most skill intensive AD Carries out there. Don't play Ashe unless you're legitimately good with her. That is a catch 22.
Fuck you. This champion is everywhere because you're all a bunch of imitating morons. I hate Blitzcrank because you can literally miss every single hook all game long, but as long as you land one hook at the right time, it can win the game. This is the very definition of a no-risk, high-reward champion. Except that's only when the other team plays him; when YOU play Blitzcrank, you will never hit shit, period.
Baby's second AP Carry. Brand is thoroughly average; a jack-of-all-trades AP Carry. He's not bad, and can fit into most teams. Decent overall.
Baby's second AD Carry. And seriously, you're an asshole. Caitlyn has absurd fucking range, and if you're actually good with this piece of shit, you can literally rape your laning opponents. I'm talking full-on, penetrative rape. You should be jailed, you fucking monster.
Riot says this champion has a difficulty meter that shoots off the game client into their website homepage. I don't think so. All you have to do is get good at landing her delayed blast Q, and then mash E. The champion pretty much fucking plays itself, but her mechanics are strange when you first pick her up. Unlike Anivia, if someone actually owns Cassiopeia, they're probably at least decent with this champion. When all else fails, you can still just zone people forever without even trying.
Fuck your stupid overpowered bullshit champion. Cho's passive needed to be nerfed a long time before they finally got around to doing it... and it's still not enough. Instead of healing himself to full after clearing a minion wave, Cho now *only* heals to half--or he would, if you could ever get close enough to deal him any fucking damage. Cho has incredibly lategame scaling, and some of the best disengagement tools in the game. Effective champion, but go fuck yourself if you play him.
Corki's an effective carry, but I can't stand his character model or his art or anything about him. He just looks grody. Along with Ezreal, he possesses the best escape ability among the AD Carries. I haven't seen Corki too often lately, but he's still one of the better carries.
If you whine on the forums about how Darius is OP, you should uninstall. If you see someone pick Darius in Ranked, counterpick him with a ranged top champion, and watch him cry. Kayle, for one, is a great Darius counter. Darius can be kited so hard, you'll make people want to refund the champion. God help you if you feed him though (which you will... because you're bad).
Nerfed into the ground. Next!
Great jungler, but his early game is incredibly weak. He has no sustainability until he gets his ultimate, and you're best off just farming until you're not worthless in a fight. Mundo also has a hard time chasing champs like Ezreal and Corki that can just kite him forever.
She's apparently really good, but very difficult to play. I'd really advise against picking this champion if you're on my team. If you're on the enemy team, go ahead and feed. Elise has more in common with bruisers than she does with mages; but I'm no fucking expert on Elise. She's just one of those stupid champions that bloats the roster.
Evelynn is a viable pick for mid and jungle, but you're still the fucking scum of the earth if you pick her. She's a real terror in mid lane because of her ridiculous mobility and roaming threat. She does huge damage late game, and every time she goes invisible, you have to assume that she's gone to gank another lane. Luckily, my #1 hombre Viktor takes a big steaming dump all over Evelynn in lane. Too bad she can just catch up by roaming and feeding off of my idiot teammates. I still loathe this champ and anyone who plays her.
Ezreal used to be a carry that was considered unplayable due to his skill ceiling. Now he's everywhere. This doesn't mean people got better; it just means they enjoy playing waif-like ladyboys. Ezreal was recently nerfed, but he's still decent. He has a bit of a lategame falloff though, because your mystic shots are fucking worthless when they do less than your autoattacks.
First of all, go fuck yourself. If you face fiddlesticks, you better grab
, or else you'll be CC'd for what feels like YEARS. Fiddles' Fear is retarded, and his Crowstorm is the highest scaling damage skill in the game. Don't fucking stand in that shit. Luckily, Fiddles is really goddamn awkward to play, and can't lane at all. He's decent as a support, but subpar in the jungle. Annoying as shit any way you look at him though.
Whatever. Fiora is just a big mediocre bag of "meh." Her ult is scary when you get a
, but she's still a one-trick pony. Don't right click her when she can Parry, and you'll generally be fine. She kinda sucks right now, and has no redeeming crowd controlling abilities.
Fizz is an annoying little shit. You'll never be able to target this little fucker, and he'll just dance all over the screen until he gets right up in your face and two-shots you. Fizz snowballs harder than any other AP Carry (except maybe LeBlanc), and has one of the best kits in the game. But still, fuck Fizz, and fuck you.
Galio is not a great AP counterpick anymore. In fact, he's not really that great overall. He can lane decently, but he's by no means an AP carry. Lategame he can become unkillable, but he just doesn't have that "oomph" that similar champions have. There's literally no reason to play Galio when you can just play Amumu. Galio also can't really use his ultimate for anything but counterinitiation; so there's that against him as well. Poor guy.
Super bland champ and I'm glad nobody plays him anymore. Seriously, this champ is the most boring one in the game, except for maybe Caitlyn.
Baby's first bruiser. Send your AD Carry against him if you're that concerned about winning the lane.
Fat awesome dude with a retardedly useful kit. Gragas can poke, initiate, counterinitiate, and has decent lane sustain. Pretty cool guy; doesn't afraid of anything.
I hate graves because he's annoying as shit to lane against. A character as naturally tanky as Graves has no business doing that much damage.
GOTTA GO FAST. Hecarim is the best champion in League of Legends. He's a super hard carry during the lategame, and is literally unkillabe. You can't escape from him; he just chases you down and fucks your mouth... through your ass.
"Don't play that mango-headed freak." -My roomate, upon seeing Heimerdinger's portrait. He's never played this game in his life, and has deeper insight than most pro players.
Yeah champions that deal true damage are inherently balanced, amirite? Irelia will do nothing but farm and take it up the ass for the first twenty minutes of the game. Then, if you didn't stomp her enough, she becomes an unkillable monster and ruins your life.
Worst support in the game right now. She's got nothing on Taric/Sona/Alisar; because Janna can't fucking initiate and she can't deal damage; especially if her carry is retarded.
Powerman is awesome. He's just really fucking solid. Once you graduate from playing Garen, learn Powerman.
Baby's first hypercarry. No seriously though, fuck Jax. This champion has never been balanced and I fucking hate him. Counterstrike is a horrible mechanic, and his mobility is WAY too fucking good for the amount of damage he can deal. There's literally no drawback to playing Jax. No tradeoff whatsoever; just farm up and win.
"HEY. HEY GUYS. LET'S... GUYS, LISTEN. WE'RE GONNA TAKE A BRUISER... GUYS I'M SERIOUS HERE PUT THE BONG DOWN. OKAY WE TAKE A BRUISER, SEE? AND OH SHIT MORELLO PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON COME ON LISTEN... SO THIS BRUISER, WE TAKE HIM AND GIVE HIM A... YOU READY FOR THIS? A RANGED AUTOATTACK. BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER... JUST... WAIT LISTEN... OH MY GOD LETS GIVE HIM A MELEE ATTACK TOO, AND A KNOCKBACK, AND UH... MISSING-HEALTH BASED POKE... OH SHIT I'M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, UH, WHAT ELSE OH FUCK RIGHT YEAH LET'S GIVE HIM
FOR FREE. HAHA NO I'M NOT KIDDING, WE'RE MAKING THIS CHAMPION."
-Steve "Guinsoo" Feak
You either end up being a hypercarry kill-stealing son of a bitch, or you die and are useless. Really no middle ground with this guy,
What, is one Flash not enough for you? Kassadin is one of those champions that just should never die, ever. You have too many escapes. You can get away no matter what, as long as you're smart about it. To me, that seems imbalanced as fuck, but nobody plays Kass these days so whatever.
This one-woman janitor fucking cunt bitch is another champion that has way too much mobility for her own good. She was overbuffed in her rework, and it has never been addressed. If Katarina gets fed, it means that the game is over. You can't stop her without insane coordination of CC; and that's only if your team actually HAS hard CC to stop her ultimate. Just ban her and save yourself the grief.
I used to be really harsh on Kayle, but then I realized that a champion with a really hard hitting nuke/slow; a heal/speed boost; an AOE Ranged Autoattack; AND an ultimate that makes people invincible is incredibly useful. Not in every game, but Kayle is by no means bad. Kayle makes for a decent Mid/Top/Jungler... just don't play her as a support, ever.
Like Amumu, Kennen is one of those champions with a faceroll teamfight-winning ultimate. All you have to do is press R, E, run around, and collect gold. He's not a great AP mid these days, but you can play him Top pretty successfully, and I'm told that he's a decent AD carry.
FUCKING ANNOYING OP STUPID PIECE OF SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS RIOT THINKING. OH LETS MAKE A CHAMPION THAT HAS RIDICULOUS ABILITY AD SCALING, BULLIES THE LANE BECAUSE OF HIS PASSIVES, CAN PUSH LIKE A MAD CUNT, OH AND LETS GIVE HIM THE ABILITY TO TRISTANA JUMP AND STEALTH HIMSELF, BECAUSE HE *REALLY NEEDS THAT SHIT*. Kha'Zix should have been scrapped in favor of giving Tristana actual AD scaling.
He used to be good. Now not really. Not much else to say!
Next to Shaco, this is my most hated champion. Remember what I keep saying about highly mobile characters that deal way too much damage? Leblanc is the posterchild for that bullshit. Post-6, if you can't survive her burst combo, you lose the lane immediately. And if you CAN survive her burst combo, you will be going back to base within the next 30 seconds, or you will fucking die when her ultimate comes off cooldown. You can't even gank Leblanc because of her Distortion. God, fuck this character.
I'm so sick of seeing this bandwagon bullshit champion that I'm glad he's being nerfed. I hope he gets nerfed into the ground. I hope he gets nerfed so hard that nobody plays him ever again. I can't even tell you how many fucking times I've been *this* close to killing Lee, until his Q or W come off cooldown and he just... gets away. Fuck that.
Leona is like a toned down version of Amumu, but plays more of a support role, rather than straight-up initiator. She eats, breathes, and shits crowd control, so she's very rarely a bad pick.
Oh hi, you want a support that can fucking do everything and is annoying as shit? You've come to the right place. You won't even feel like you're playing a support; you'll be doing so much fucking damage, and crowd controlling, and stealing farm, and pushing the lane that you'll feel like the god damn carry. In fact, just start taking the carry's farm, it's all yours anyway. Kills? Take those too, the carry can just get assist gold. Now start building attack speed items. Yes. I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME. IT IS A GOOD PAIN.
I hate lux.
Malph's awesome, but slightly less so these days because S3 is the fucking age of the AD Caster, and everyone builds
. Suddenly, Malphite needs about 100 more armor to feel as tanky as he used to be. Still, he can bully Top Lane with the best of them.
What's that Malzahar? You get hard-countered by
? Now you're even more unplayable because of
Mao rules. He's got some of the best base stats in the game, and some of the highest damage without items. Seriously, learn to play jungle Maokai if you want to get good.
Worthless stupid niche pick character that gets countered by anyone moderately intelligent. Unfortunately, nobody you play with will be even slightly intelligent. Yi will get fed in every game, and will wreck you as AP or AD.
Annoying, bland, boring carry. She's really fucking good right now, but I couldn't care less. She reminds me of gangplank, and I therefore associate her with boredom.
HUEHUE MORDE FROM BRASIL SO FUNY JOKE. Kill yourself.
She sucks now that more bruisers are being played mid and her shield does fuck all to stop physical damage.
Not viable. Never really was.
The fucking prince of tanks. I have a massive hard-on for Naut. He does great damage and has the most CC of any champion in the game. Naut just brings a great kit to the table, and if your teammates can capitalize upon that, you will win every fucking game... unless you get counterjungled to shit and die.
HAHA HAH HA H AH AUTTOATTACK AUTOATTACK SPEAR HAH CAT FORM RUN AWAY HAHA POUNCE LOL HEAL AUTO AUTO AUTO AUTO CAT FORM QWEQWQEQEQEQQ LLULLULUULULU U MAD BRO UMAD SON MAD MAD MAD?
Are you edgier than a triangle? Nocturne is for you. Be sure to buy his retardo expensive legendary skin. Seriously though, Nocturne's fine; he's always been decent.
I don't really know what was going through Riot's head when they designed a champion with innate sustain, true damage, an ultimate that makes you an unstoppable monster, and one of the best chasing/kiting skills in the game. Oh, and his passive makes him win duels without trying. That's fair. Olaf is the original lane bully.
The only thing that Orianna cannot do is heal allies. If she could heal, then Orianna could perform every single function in the game. She can slow enemies, speed up allies, shield, scout, poke, burst, knock-up, initiate, and counterinitiate. Oh, and she has a really good autoattack. THAT'S BALANCE!
Fuckin MANTHEON. He's like permaban status now because he rapes people too hard with
. Seriously, it's just stupid how much damage this mofo puts out.
Haha, worthless until level 13. She can't lane anywhere, and she can't jungle. Completely non-viable character.
The game has changed around Rammus and he is simply no longer viable. His kit is clunky and difficult to use, and he just doesn't do enough compared to the champions being released today. The only way you can play him today is as a jungler, and even then he's not that good.
Play Renekton top lane and win the game within the first 20 minutes. Or don't.
Pre-nerf: Bullshit OP cheap as shit fucking champion
Post-Nerf: Who's rengar?
Fuck Riven. This is the only champion in the game with such absurd scalability. Who the fuck decided it would be a good idea to give a melee champion insane scaling with pure AD and only AD? Seriously, a 6 second cooldown shield with a 1:1 AD ratio? A FUCKING SHIELD WITH AN AD RATIO? COME ON. Late game you can't even touch Riven's actual health points due to her shield. She's kind of tricky to play, but if you can get a hold on this champion, she's definitely worth the effort you'll put into her.
HUEHUEHUE PRESS Q STAND STILL HUEHUEHUE HUE AM I GOOD YET?
Baby's second AP Carry, but arguably one with the highest skill ceiling. Ryze can pull off some sick shit, if you're good, and his kit is never bad. Ryze fits into a lot of teams, and brings a good blend of damage, burst AOE, and crowd control.
Fuck you. No. I can't. I just can't. Fuck this champion, fuck everyone who plays him. Ruins games, anti-fun, annoying as shit.
He's like a brick wall in top lane. Oh wait, not anymore:
She's still viable in the jungle, just nowhere else. The game has kind of adapted to her counterjungling shenanigans though; but you haven't. That's why she'll still wreck your shit.
Spam your laugh hahaha now you're dyrus!
Fucking faggot. Right around level 11, he becomes unkillable, no matter how hard you shit down his throat during the laning phase. If you actually fed this guy, holy shit your team is doomed.
A true one-trick pony, no matter how you build him. Stun and whack things, or stun and blow up your shield. If AD Sion ever gets fed and sees lategame, he's kind of a hypercarry. Whatever. Nobody plays Sion.
Garbage carry do not play sivir under any circumstance holy shit she sucks donkey doodle right now.
Awesome champion. Use his ultimate to initiate teamfights, preferably when you engage the enemy team by yourself. Also, build a Trinity Force first, then a Gunblade, and then kill yourself.
QWER QWER QWER QWER QWER QWER QWER I'M SO SKILLED QWERQWER QWERQWERQWER QWER
While generally outclassed by literally every other support, you'll occasionally run into a Soraka player that will just give you fucking headaches. Luckily, she dies hard and has nothing outside of a silence and a prayer to defend herself with.
My personal favorite character, and his Northern Front skin just happens to be the best skin. Unfortunately, he's not even a little bit viable. As long as the enemy team has easy access to Ignite, Swain will never be good.
Syndra is that champ that nobody knows how to play, except for that one guy who does, and then he'll just murder you. Seriously, she does STUPID single-target damage. That's about it though.
u are 1 ****ing cheeky **** mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles lol ****in sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil ****in gay boy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer
One of the best supports. Brings a LOT to a team. If you can't hack it with Alistar, play Taric. Also, if you're not spamming your taunt, you're not playing him correctly.
Thresh is seriously one of the most skill-intensive champions in the game, but a lot of his utility requires your teammates to not be retarded. BUT THEY WILL BE RETARDED. THEY WILL BE SO GOD DAMN STUPID.
hurr AD Carry with no AD scaling huehuheuhehuehuehuue how are we #1 video game in world yes?
HE'S A COUNTERPICK. STOP PLAYING HIM IN BLIND PICK. TRUNDLE IS LESS THAN WORTHLESS IF YOU'RE NOT CONSTANTLY INVADING AGAINST A TANKY JUNGLER OR RAPING BOT LANE OVER AND OVER. STOP PLAYING HIM IN BLIND PICK. CHRIST.
Look, he's not viable. He's just not. He's like a poor man's Darius. Just play Darius.
Holy fuck look at this gypsy. Guess what? Twisted Fate isn't a ban-worthy champion just because his laning is good (and it is), he's ban-worthy because he pulls off ridiculous ganks. TF with a mediocre team is just mediocre... but TF with a good team is beyond godly. Get the picture?
God who plays this shit rat? Fuck. Everything about this little asshole pisses me off.
Jewdyr is okay. I don't play him. In fact, I'll never play him. But whatever, he's alright I guess. Not right now, of course, but he used to be okay. Don't play Udyr.
Are you a faggoty hipster? Can you go more than five seconds without spilling PBR all over your argyle sweatervest? Well look no further, because this champion was made for you. He's not a carry, he's an ANTI Carry. He was a carry before all the other carries even learned to lift; then once carrying became popular, Urgot stayed ahead of the curve by going all anti-carry.
Varus was cool until Aphromoo started playing him, and then all you shit flinging copycats decided to ruin this champion with the worst playerbase known to man.
"It's okay guys, we just need to push this to lategame and we win"
-Every Vayne player Ever
"It's okay guys, we just need to push this to lategame and we win"
-Every Veigar player Ever
"It's okay guys, we can always just queue again after this loss"
-Every Vi player Ever
Less viable than Vlad. Only good for pubstomping EU West.
Really needs a rework. He's old and busted. Most of the S1 champs have not aged well.
You might be good with him, but I wish I refunded him when I had the chance. I went 0-13 and never picked him up again. Wukong has a terrible early game, but actually scales very well into lategame, and can hard initiate. Of course, that's assuming he has items; which assumes that he got farm; which assumes that he didn't have a terrible early game... which he did because he's shit.
The all-powerful finger of God. But boring to play, so nobody plays him.
Probably one of the most annoying champions, and one of the easiest to feed. He's fucking stupid, and his kit is bullshit. Only assholes play Xin.
FOR WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, MUST WIN TOP LANE. Also fits really well into lategame teams who stack Guardian Angels, because you just weren't enough of a cunt without them.
Techy, high-risk/high-reward bruiser/assassin. If you can wrap your head around him, Zed can pull off some sick plays. If not, you're going to feed. And then I will report you. Dick.
Gimmicky champ that nobody really picked up after his release. He's kind of clunky and has horrible mana issues.
The most Halal champion in the league. Not viable, except as a troll pick to roadblock the enemy AP. Bonus points if you have Yorick on your team as well.
Was a super-broken AP Carry, turned super-broken support. She's slightly less broken now, but whatever, she's still good. Get caught more, idiots.